guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
