Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
