I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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