Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
