IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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