if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
