Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
