farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
