So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
