Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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