Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
