dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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