Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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