it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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