how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
