im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
