Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
