I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
