wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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