There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
