Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
