The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
