woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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