THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
