My hair reeks of homosexuality.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
