I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
