just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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