I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
