Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
