well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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