he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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