you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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