you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
