hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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