I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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