the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
