someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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