Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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