She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
