threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
