gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
