Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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