Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
