Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
