I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
