and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
