i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
