Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pants are for mortals
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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