Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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