i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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