i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
