pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
