he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize