i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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