Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Text me some of your sweat
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