I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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