This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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