Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
