What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
