What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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