I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
