nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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