he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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