you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
