I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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