I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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