You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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